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Use Your Emotional Intelligence in All Your Relationships

Author: Susan Dunn, Emotional Intelligence Coach

A recent article I read about what�s called �hierarchical relationships� in the work place, reminded me of a very important fact about all relationships. As soon as we start thinking we are better than someone else, or smarter than they are, or more important � across the board � we are in trouble, and the work is in trouble, and the relationship is in trouble.

Why? Because we are never better than someone else, or smarter than they are, or more important than they are, across the board in the absolute sense. Everyone has something to contribute.

Each of us has strengths and weaknesses. Each of us knows something another person does not, or sees it more clearly, or is better at a certain aspect of the situation. It fact it�s often the person not on the firing line who has the emotional clarity to perceive what�s going on.

In the ideal situation, we rely on the strengths of the other when they�re needed, recognizing them and acknowledging them. We work together, laterally, not from a vantage part of being �better than.�

Think of all the times your child taught you something. I hear this happening all the time. Yes, you are the parent, and you know many things your child does not know and must be doing your job, but your child is in touch with things. Most of all, they are in touch with themselves, and with their feelings, and with yours. It�s hard to fool your child about how you�re �truly� feeling, and this can be just the information you need at the time.

The other day I heard a mother snap at her child in the store for asking for a toy. The child started crying and replied, �But why are you mad at me?� It makes perfect sense, when you think about it. To want a toy is normal. To ask for a toy is normal. To ask for a toy when you�ve been told not to, is also normal, as we all make mistakes, And most importantly, to want something, or to ask for it, or to make a mistake isn�t cause for someone else to get �mad.�

We�re used to thinking of relationships in a hierarchical manner � the boss over the manager over the employees. But in actuality, everyone is contributing something crucial to the enterprise or they wouldn�t be there. I have heard an attorney say to his paralegal, �I could never have done this without you,� but it is far too rare, yes?

THE BIRD SANCTUARY

The other day I was in a huge Lowe�s store. I was sure I had landed in a bird sanctuary by mistake. Under the huge expanse of the vaulted ceiling, I could hear birds chirping � nice, sweet songbirds, not grackles � and every now and then one would zoom past. When the salesman appeared, I asked him about it. He said, yes, they were there all the time now. I said, �Your poor manager. They don�t teach that in MBA school.�

Then he told me that every now and then a kitten would come into the store. The first time it happened, they called the manager and he stood there, and no one knew what to do about it. Then one of the saleswomen came up who had done this before � capturing wild kittens and putting them outside. She asked for gloves and went about the business of luring the kitten and carrying it outside. Whose job was it? She didn�t ask. The manager didn�t ask.. The other salespeople didn�t ask. They just wanted someone who knew what to do about it.

Moving away from the hierarchical relationship is starting to occur simply out of necessity. Many work projects require teamwork now, because they demand more information than any one person has, no matter what their field of expertise. They require more emotional intelligence than IQ because things don�t always work out the way we think they will. Emotional intelligence means being creative and flexible in problem-solving.

Also we have to cope with change and speed. Something needs to be done, and done immediately, like the kitten in the Lowe�s store, and what�s needed is two-sided accountability, that�s all.

THE BEES

On a recent cruise (being a coach, I speak on cruise ships), my sister and I stayed on board when it docked at Cozumel to enjoy the pool to ourselves. As we sat poolside, a swarm of bees came aboard. They descended upon one of the loud speakers, and wrapped themselves around it in a dark black cloud. Something about vibrations, my sister said.

My sister lives in San Diego, near the Mexican border, of course, and there are killer bees there. She also knew exactly what to do with them. �Get a vacuum cleaner,� she told the staff and crew who were beginning to appear.

No one listened. They cordoned off the area with yellow tape. Others were called. Eventually the captain appeared.

Fast forward � 45 minutes later a steward was called to bring a vacuum cleaner and the bees were vacuumed up.

WHERE WILL YOU GET HELP

Are ship captain�s trained to deal with killer bees, or store managers trained to deal with bird infestations?

Think of this with the relationships in your life � both at work and at home. Do you treat your administrative assistant like she�s a few notches down the ladder from you? Do you treat your teenagers like employees? If so, what�s going to happen when you need their help on something, or they know about something you don�t, and you have to ask. If you set yourself up in this position, you�ll feel uncomfortable asking because you�ll �lose face.�

And if you hold yourself in this exalted position, the person �beneath you� who knows how to do it, will hold silent, to preserve your ego, or to preserve their job, or to avoid making you �mad� and you will have lost.

Whichever way you look at it working partnerships and joint accountability are far more productive than hierarchical relationships.

LISTEN

One last example. When my son was 13 years old, we were riding in the car and I got stopped by a policeman. My son started talking the minute I was pulled over and I turned around and told him to be quiet. I wanted to be able to think.

The policeman checked my license and then looked at my inspection sticker and said it was out-of-date. My son started to try to speak again, and I motioned him to be quiet.

The end of the story � under the pressure of the situation, it being February, the policeman was reading the wrong date on the inspection sticker, and it actually WAS up-to-date. Finally when I �let� my son speak, he told us both this. He wasn�t afraid to make us both look like � well, like the two confused adult people we were.

Use your emotional intelligence and allow everyone around you the space to contribute. It�s a win-win situation.

About the Author

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I offer coaching, distance learning courses, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. EQ is more important to your success, health and happiness than IQ, and it can be learned. Start today! For free ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc.

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Understanding Dog Fleas: How Fleas Breed & Affect Your Dog's Health

Author: Moses Chia

Fleas belong to the insect order Siphonaptera. They are common pests and may attack many mammals, including man. They can be a year round problem because they infest not only pets but also the home of the owner. Because of this, treatment of the pet alone may only temporarily solve a flea infestation.

Although many species of fleas feed primarily on one type of animal, the common cat and dog flea will readily take blood from a variety of animals, including man. Flea infestations of pets and their homes will most likely involve the cat flea, Ctenocephalides felis and occasionally the dog flea, C. canis.

Fleas are small (2 to 4 mm in length), brownish to black insects which are characteristically flattened from side to side. Adults are wingless and capable of jumping relatively long distances. Adults feed exclusively on blood with their piercing-sucking mouthparts. When not actively feeding, adult fleas often hide in locations frequented by the host animal such as your dog bedding, sofas, or carpeted areas.

The common cat and dog fleas breed throughout the year. After feeding and mating, the female deposits her eggs, usually on the host. Several eggs are laid daily and up to several hundred over a lifetime. Eggs normally fall off the host into bedding material or similar areas and hatch within two weeks.

Flea eggs accumulate in areas where the host spends most of its time. In addition, adult fleas defecate small pellets of digested blood which also drop off into the environment. A flea comb will often gather this fecal matter at the base of the tines providing a good sign of flea infestation. The combination of white flea eggs and black dried blood specks may appear as a sprinkling of salt and pepper where an infested animal has slept.

Fleas undergo complete metamorphosis, that is, they pass through four developmental stages: egg, larva, pupa, and adult. Immature fleas do not resemble adults at all.

Flea larvae are tiny, light colored, and, worm-like, without legs. They feed primarily on various debris and organic material including the droppings of the adults which contains digested blood. Flea larvae occur indoors and outdoors, wherever the eggs have fallen off the host. In houses, flea larvae live in carpeting, furniture, animal bedding and other protected areas with high humidity. Flea larvae also live outdoors in areas where animals spend time such as under porches in and around dog houses, etc.

Because flea larvae depend on the adult�s fecal pellets of dried blood as a food source, they cannot live in lawns or other outdoor areas unless the pet visits those areas enough to provide this food.

Depending on the species of flea and environmental conditions the larvae will pupate in one week to several months. The pupa is contained within a loose silken cocoon which is often covered by bits of debris. Under average conditions, the life cycle of the flea normally requires between 30 and 75 days but may take much longer. Adult fleas inside the cocoon, called pre-emerged fleas, will stay in that condition for weeks to months if no external cues from a host is available.

However, when disturbed by the presence of a host such as vibrations or carbon dioxide from exhaled breath, the fleas emerge simultaneously and attack the host. This is why it is possible to return to a house or apartment that has been empty for months and find it full of fleas.

When the normal host is available, fleas may feed several times a day but they are capable of surviving extended periods of starvation. In household situations, the normal host is a cat or dog. However, if the normal host is removed, starved fleas will readily seek other sources of blood and more often than not, man is the alternate host. In severe infestations, fleas will attack humans even though the normal host is present.

Certain species of fleas have been known to transmit such diseases as bubonic plague and murine typhus. These have never been a major problem. The major problems with fleas is as a nuisance pest of pets. The irritation and itching from flea bites results in scratching and potential secondary infection. Fleas may also transmit the double-pored dog tapeworm to dogs and cats.

Finally, persistent attacks from fleas can cause severe allergic responses in some people and pets. Once sensitized, a single flea bite may produce symptoms including hair loss, usually around the base of the tail, dermatitis, and intense itching. In worse cases, puppies and young kittens can also died from serious fleas infestations.

With proper flea management knowledge, flea problems will not be a big issue and can be battle and win over easily.

Keywords: dog flea, pet flea, dog flea control, dog flea treatment, kill dog flea, cat flea, prevent dog flea

About the Author
Moses Chia,
More Details about how dog flea affect health here.

Moses Chia is the webmaster of DogsObedienceTraining. He provides more helpful information on dog obedience training, dog training book reviews and dog illness symptoms interpretation that you can learn in the comfort of your home on his website.

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THERE ARE OVER 50 CAT BREEDS. WHAT BREED MAKES THE BEST PET?

Author: Dean Erickson

How to choose the perfect cat breed for you is easy if you do your research first.

Cats are the world's most popular pets. They are independent but at the same time make for great company. The have minimal maintenance needs but they satisfy any pet owner's need to cuddle.

There are many different domestic cat breeds, but less than one percent of all cats have pedigrees or are pure breeds. All in all there are about 70-odd breeds. The rest of the cats fall into two main groups: domestic longhair and domestic shorthair. Cats that have a long slender build, almond-shaped eyes and sleek fur are often characterized as Oriental.

For potential cat owners there are many breeds to chose from ranging from a pure cat breed to your standard non-purebred breed, often called an alley-cat.

Exotic cat breeds include the Bengal (a relatively new breed; a cross between the Asian Leopard Cat and the domestic shorthair), Scottish Fold (its ears are folded forward and down), Egyptian Mau (resembles ancient Egyptian cats) and the California Spangled Cat. The most popular longhair variety is the Persian. In fact, Persians are probably the most well-known of all cat breeds, probably because of its long coat. Potential buyers should know that their coat demands a daily program of grooming. But they'll make up for that with their gentle temperament.

The most popular shorthair variety is the Siamese. The Siamese has blue eyes and colored ears, face, tail and paws in contrast to the rest of the body. This breed has a long and slender body.

How to choose the breed you want?

Although all kittens and cats can have very different personalities, breed specific characteristics can aid in making your decision. Attending a cat show is an excellent way to get a real life idea of what you may expect and to find out what you are really looking for.

Consider the length of the coat, the size of the adult cat, what some of the breed traits are. Does this breed of cat generally need a lot of grooming, are they a family oriented breed or do they bond better with one person? Is the breed more active as an adult or more of a lap cat?

Every different breed of cat has its own personal needs, but generally they are flexible and can be accommodated in various homes and apartments and don't mind being left alone. That's what makes cat the all-time favorite pet for people with demanding lifestyles and long work hours.

About the Author

Dean Erickson. Journalist, and web site builder Dean Erickson lives in Texas. He is the owner and co-editor of cat-breeds-directory.com on which you will find a longer, more detailed version of this article.

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Stop: Don't Declaw That Cat!

Author: Larry Chamberlain

This article is not a debate about the pros and cons of the removal of a cat's claws (declawing). This article concludes that there are no pros to this issue and comes out firmly against the procedure.

Declawing a cat is illegal in many countries and officially deemed to be inhumane in others. Why then do some people still consider getting their cat declawed?

A major reason could be misunderstanding exactly what declawing is. The procedure does not just mean removing your cat's nails, it involves cutting off each of the animal's front toes at the front joint, that is the bone, ligaments and tendons. This is amputation.

There is often misunderstanding too about the after affects of the surgery.

Cats feel pain and they can be in postoperative pain for a week or longer after declawing. Complications can arise from the procedure including re-growth of the claw, hemorrhaging, infection, abscesses, arthritis and joint stiffness.

A cat cannot 'rest up' after having its claws removed. It will still have to move about, to use the litter tray etc. The animal will be placing its weight upon paws that have had substantial surgery performed on them; this cannot be anything but painful.

A cat's toes help the paws connect with the ground at the correct angle. Declawing will modify the symmetry of the paw and can result in the pad touching the ground at a wrong angle causing the animal pain, and not just for the postoperative period.

Some owners that have made the decision to declaw their cat claim they see no change in their pet's behavior. Many others report changes to their cat's personality. Friendly cats may become nervous, timid or withdrawn. Others may become very defensively aggressive, through feeling vulnerable without their claws, and this feeling of vulnerability can bring on stress related conditions such as skin disorders and bowel problems.

Sometimes cats refuse to use their litter tray after being declawed. This is because of the pain they get from scratching in the litter. Even after the wounds have healed the cat may shun the litter box because now it's a place associated with agony.

Some people make the decision to declaw because they are fed up with kitty scratching the furniture, but often these cat owners have not properly tried other humane ways to solve the problem.

Scratching is natural behavior for a cat. They do not do it just to ruin your home or for reasons of devilment. Scratching helps stretch a cat's muscles and removes the worn out sheaths of nail from their claws. Scratching is also one of the ways cats mark their territory and if they are deprived of this means of marking by being declawed, they can use another means, usually urine spraying.

If scratching is natural for a cat and declawing is cruel, are you supposed to put up with your cat ruining your furniture? No, there are many ways to prevent scratching without resorting to inhumane surgery.

Cats, although famed and loved for their independent streak, can be trained. And they can be trained not to scratch. Rome was not built in a day and altering the behavior of an errant feline will take plenty of your patience, just remember that millions of owners enjoy the company of cats, that are not declawed, and do not scratch up the sofa.

This article is not the place to go too deeply into training your cat not to scratch. Plenty of information can be found online and in good cat care books.

Scratching posts are a boon. Most cats can be trained to use them and not the furniture. Put the scratching post where kitty loves to scratch. You may need more than one but fortunately good posts are not too expensive and well-constructed homemade versions can do just as well.

Nail covers, a.k.a. nail caps, are another option. Most owners that have tried them say these vinyl caps work very well indeed. The caps are glued over the cat's nails, using harmless glue, they will come off after a time but are no problem to replace. If you are uncertain about how to apply the caps yourself the first time, your vet may be willing to show you.

It is praise and not punishment that works with cats. Reward kitty with praise and the occasional healthy treat when she uses the scratch post and not your drapes. Keep at it, your cat will learn, you won't regret your decision not to declaw - and neither will your cat.

Keywords: cats, kittens, pets, home, family, declawing,

About the Author
Larry Chamberlain, London England UK
More Details about Declawing a cat here. Larry Chamberlain is the webmaster of www.best-cat-art.com and a lifelong cat lover. He lives in London England.
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How to Tame Wild Kittens

Author: LeAnn R. Ralph

Over the past several years, the wild mother cat who has taken up residence in our barn in rural Wisconsin has given me many opportunities to figure out how to tame wild kittens. The mother cat always hides her kittens very well, and then, when they are big enough to leave the nest and are big enough to eat kitty food, she brings them out and expects me to feed them.

When the wild mother cat brings her kittens out of the nest, it is the first time in their lives they have seen a human being, and they tend to be hissing, spitting bits of fluff that really look as though they mean business. And since they already have teeth and claws, I would rather not push the issue. I also would rather not let them remain wild, living in my barn, having kittens of their own. Six kittens, within a year or two, could turn into 56.

As of early 2005, the wild mother cat has had more than 20 kittens in our barn, and I have managed to tame them and to find homes for most of them (unfortunately, several were lost when the wild momma kitty took them out to teach them how to hunt).

Here are some tips for taming wild kittens:

1. Buy some canned kitty food -- In my experience, kittens are always hungry and are always interested in canned kitty food. I have noticed it doesn't matter what brand, just so long as it has fish in it. The smell of fish seems irresistible to kittens.

2. Let the kittens smell the canned kitty food -- Open the can and then try to get as close to them as possible so they can smell the food. Once they get a whiff of it, and this is especially true of younger kittens that are anywhere from four weeks old to a few months old, they will be so interested in the canned kitty food they will forget (somewhat) that you are right next to them.

3. Use a fork (or spoon) to scoop out some of the food and let the kittens eat off the end of the fork (spoon) -- This is an important step. Do NOT put a forkful of food down and then back off. From the very first, hold the fork toward the kitten and let the kitten eat off the end of the fork. Stick to your guns and do not give up. If the kitten wants canned kitty food, the kitten MUST eat it off the end of the fork or the spoon. This is the first step in getting the kitten used to being close to you and in growing accustomed to your hand coming closer. This will be useful later on when you are trying to pet the kittens. After the kitten has eaten food off the end of the fork/spoon, THEN you can put a little food down for the kitten to eat on its own.

4. Repeat step 3 every time you offer the kittens some canned food -- At first, the kittens are going to be cautious about your hand coming toward them. The fork with the food will help to overcome that resistance. After you have done this a couple of times, the kittens will look forward to eating off the fork and will start to lose their fear of you and your hand.

5. Stay right there while the kittens are eating -- After you have put out some canned food for the kittens, stay there and don't move off. Let them eat with you next to them. This will help teach them to associate human beings with "good things."

6. Carefully start to pet the kittens -- After feeding them a couple of times without trying to pet them, which will begin to teach them that they can trust you, put food out and let the kittens start to eat. Then slowly reach down and pet them a little bit. Continue to sit there while they finish eating.

7. Carefully start to pick up the kittens -- After you can successfully put out food and remain there while the kittens eat and can pet them a little bit, try picking up a kitten. If you can, grasp the kitten by the scruff of the neck. This is how mother cats carry their kittens, and when you do this, the kitten will go limp. Hold the kitten against your shoulder and talk softly to it, but don't say "Hi kitten" or anything starting with an "h" sound. To a kitten, this sounds like a cat hissing, and the kitten will become frightened. Hold the kitten for a minute or so and then, grasping it by the scruff of the neck, set it down. After you have done this several times, the kitten will realize that no harms come to it from being picked up and handled.

Depending upon the age of the kittens and basic personality traits, the whole process, from starting with canned kitty food on the fork to being able to pet them and pick them up, could be accomplished in a few days or it might take a few weeks. Eventually, the kittens will know that people mean good things, and when they see you coming, they will come running to meet you. It has been my experience that cats quickly recognize when a situation is to their advantage, and once the kittens know you are a source of good things to eat and that you mean them no harm, they will want to be friends.

If you have any questions, you are welcome to send me an e-mail at � bigpines(at)ruralroute2.com (replace (at) with @)

If you would like to read an article about feeding and caring for orphaned kittens, go to the "articles" section of my website at http://ruralroute2.com -- or if you would like to read more stories about cats and kittens from my book, "Give Me a Home Where the Dairy Cows Roam" (free shipping (!) on copies ordered from the author) -- visit http://ruralroute2.com and click on sample chapters.

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About the Author

LeAnn R. Ralph is the author of the books "Christmas in Dairyland (True Stories from a Wisconsin Farm)" and "Give Me a Home Where the Dairy Cows Roam." You are invited to read sample chapters and to sign up for Rural Route 2 News, the FREE monthly newsletter from Rural Route 2. Visit -- http://ruralroute2.com

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How To Stop Your Cat Spraying

Author: Marc de Jong

The cat backs up to the door, lifts the tail and releases a fine spray of urine. Yes, your cat is spraying. You have a problem. But one you can solve.

Figures from the British Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors say that aggression in dogs and marking behavior in cats are the biggest behavior problems in the UK pet population.

Spraying is marking behavior, not a litter box problem. Sprayed cat urine contains pheromones, a substance that animals use to communicate. Combinations of pheromones work like fingerprints: they identify the cat.

A spraying cat marks his or her territory with cat urine. It simply says: �This is mine�. You may not like it, but getting angry doesn�t help. It may even have an opposite effect: more spraying.

Cats in heat are attracted by the odor of cat urine. For them, spraying is something like an invitation to love. The results may be there in 65 days: a nest of cute little kittens.

Cats do not only spray during sexual encounters. Some also do it during conflicts with other felines, or when they are stressed.

For people the scent is far from pleasant. Thankfully most cats spray outside. But what if you have a cat spraying inside? Do something about it! And yes, that is possible.

The most radical and effective thing you can do is neutering or spaying your cat. Most castrated toms stopped spraying from the day they were operated.

But maybe you have a reason not to neuter your cat. In that case try to find out why your cat sprays.

Maybe it sprays only when it sees another cat. Solution: block the view. Or it sprays because of a conflict with another pet. Keep them separated and problems might be over.

If you don�t know why your cat sprays, discuss it with your veterinarian. Chances are he will advice you to spay or neuter. But your vet can also check if there is a medical problem.

Anyway, do not leave this problem unsolved. Cat urine odor and stains can make your home a very uncomfortable place, and your cat will still remain a cat even when it doesn�t spray anymore.

About the Author

Journalist, web site builder and cat lover Marc de Jong is the owner and editor of http://www.cat-pregnancy-report.com, a site about cat pregnancy, kitten care, cat health and other cat related subjects.

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How long will my cat live?

Author: Larry Chamberlain

The answer to that depends upon several factors.

The care that you give your cat, the quality of the food that your cat eats, the kind of lifestyle that your cat lives. All these things play their part in the chances of your cat enjoying a long life.

Veterinary medicine has made some great advances in recent years, and this is one of the reasons the average age of domestic cats is increasing. A well cared for cat that is kept indoors and is fed a good nutritional diet, would be expected to live for about 15 years.

Some cats do live to 20 plus years and there are records of a few cats reaching over 30 years. These sort of ages for a cat are very much the exception however.

The genetic make up of a cat can be a factor in determining its life span. Some breeds of cat appear to be more resilient than others. Selective breeding can have the effect that some breeds are genetically prone to ailments which shorten their life expectancy. Mixed breeds, the typical moggie or mouser, is usually more vigorous in its genetic make up and may expect to live slightly longer than a pure breed cat.

Cats that are kept strictly as indoor only cats stand a better chance of living to a ripe old age than cats that are allowed outside. The reasons for this are many. Outdoor cats face danger from traffic, from being attacked by other cats or by other animals. They run increased risk of being accidentally poisoned by pesticides or deliberately poisoned by malicious humans. Outdoor cats are also at risk from catching feline diseases particularly from the feral cat population.

The are many things to consider in deciding to keep your cat as an indoor only cat or an outdoor-indoor cat, life expectancy is only one of them.

Overfeeding your cat is a good way to shorten its life. An overfed cat stands more chance of health problems than a cat that is weight controlled. Diabetes, arthritis, breathing difficulties, heart and liver disease can all result as a consequence of overfeeding. All of these conditions may mean your little pet not living a long and healthy feline life. Your veterinarian can advise on the best diet for your cat.

Exercise too, is important for your cat's health and in maintaining its weight. Healthy cats mostly exercise themselves of course, but the playtime you enjoy with your cat can contribute to keeping kitty healthy. Elderly cats particularly benefit from gentle play-exercise.

Regular visits to the vets for routine checks will give your cat the best chance to live a long life, and to live that life healthily. Many life shortening problems can be tackled successfully if detected early.

Neutered or spayed cats often enjoy a slightly longer life than unaltered felines. This is particularly so for male cats as an unaltered male will often receive injuries defending his territory. There are many other good reasons for spaying and neutering of course, aside from extending the life of your cat.

Keywords: cats, kittens, pets, pet loss,

About the Author
Larry Chamberlain, London England UK
More Details about How long will cat live here. Larry Chamberlain is the webmaster of www.best-cat-art.com and a lifelong cat lover. He lives in London England.
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